Though most of our reviews are based on distinctively Christian books, occasionally a book comes along that may not be written from a Christian perspective, but fits the overall focus of Christian concerns. It has value because of the information, data, or particular challenge that it brings to our Christian world and life view.

Most books we review are sent to us by publishers, but this book is an exception. The title caught my attention as I was browsing the local bookstore. Certainly the rising postmodern generations, particularly the millennial kids, are showing a great interest in community, relationships, and more intimate contact than previous generations. The author, a journalism scholar, professor, and columnist for the Boston Globe has given us a wealth of material to stimulate our thinking about this most important topic.

The Connection Gap speaks of the void or vacuum present in our society because people are not connecting with one another—and this is at a time when, with all of our technology, we have a better chance at connecting than ever before. Yet, the opposite is happening; we are becoming a nation of strangers because we do not know one another. We have cell phones, e-mail, and other gadgets that are getting in the way. As Pappano says, “Why talk when we can e-mail?” I believe she is describing our culture in a most gripping way. We are overcommitted and under connected. The book reveals something we have said all along about “modernity” and its emphasis on individualism and privatization. The sense of community has been disappearing from our culture and we are paying a price.

As I read the book, I thought of Jesus’ words to “love our neighbors as ourselves.” Two things surfaced in my thinking; first, that we do not know our neighbors, and second, we may not know ourselves. We frantically try to meet that God-created need in our lives by building virtual community and online relationships with total strangers and avoid the parts of our lives, such as the grocery store, that Pappano suggests put us in touch with people. Those things, she writes, may give us the illusion of community and try to convince us that we are experiencing connection when in reality we are grasping for straws. Some of the things that are hindering connection and relationships such as the inventions mentioned above, could actually assist in connecting if we did not make them substitutes for the real thing.

Pappano made a number or startling observations that caught my attention. We often have a more intimate and cozy relationship with people on TV than we do with our own family members or next door neighbors. That will not satisfy our deep God-created needs. While we think our disconnectedness gives us more freedom and less responsibility, it leaves us lonely with relationships that are falling apart. Relationships do not just happen. They require sacrifice and action. Pappano writes, “We are losing our ability to do such basic things as converse and make ourselves comfortable around others.” She challenges, “We have an urgent need to know who we are, where we come from, and why we matter.” But the only way to fill that need is to enter into meaningful relationships vertically and horizontally. This means not only moving out of our comfort zone with those who are like us, but especially interacting with those who are ethnically and religiously different.

How then do we bridge those gaps? Several of the book’s suggestions are consistent with Scripture. “The answers are highly personal because they require us each to make choices, to become engaged with others, and to act. We each must do it our own way, but there are some basic goals that can guide us all.” Pappano then concludes with a number of practical things that we can do.

If there is ever an area to apply the old adage “We reap what we sow,” it is in this area of relationships, community, and connectedness. Christians ought to be the experts at demonstrating to the world how to build and sustain good healthy relationships, and not just with those with whom we always agree. What does the world see as it looks at the Christian community?

You will benefit from this book. I hope you will take the time to read it, discuss it, and use it in preaching and teaching illustrations.

- Charles Dunahoo, CEP Coordinator