There are multitudes of books dealing with marriage. “How-to-do-it” and “fix-it” books relating to marriage are plentiful. I have read many—some that were helpful and some that were not—but I have found that most start at what I would call the second or third level. Sacred Marriage starts at level one: What is God’s design and purpose for marriage? Should I or should I not marry, and why? This book gives a framework for seeing marriage as God intended it; consequently it can change your perspective on that relational institution. Thomas writes realistically with a good grasp of the biblical teaching about this vital relationship, and he uses concepts and principles as well as real life stories to make them come alive to the reader.

I am presently involved in team teaching Sacred Marriage to an adult Sunday school class. While I have been using some of these ideas for many years in preaching, teaching, and marriage counseling, reading and teaching this book has helped me to understand and emphasize more clearly and passionately that marriage is for the purpose of knowing and serving God better. Once those purposes are recognized and practiced, then we can talk about ourselves, our needs, and what we have to offer our spouse or potential spouse. If our purpose for being is to know and serve God, then we must determine whether marriage does or does not fit that purpose, for we cannot serve two purposes.

What difference does this kind of thinking make? It gives us a framework or perspective that enables us to relate to one another, serve one another, and to communicate more clearly and honestly with our spouse. The author says, “This book looks for that purpose and meaning—how can we discover in the challenges of marriage the opportunities to learn more about God, grow in our understanding of him, and learn to love him more?” He writes, “Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can’t imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise.” He points out that while God is not against happiness in marriage, he may be more interested in holiness in marriage and that’s a new perspective.

For those needing to rethink what marriage really is and what it isn’t, this book will help. We either tend to make an idol of marriage and expect too much or the wrong things from it, or we go to the opposite extreme and do not give it enough attention. Our spouses are not God in the sense that they can meet all our needs. But neither are they merely usable commodities. Those extremes are not conducive to cultivating holiness in our lives. Marriage should be a place where we grow spiritually. If we determine before marriage that it will not equip us to love and serve God better, then maybe we should question whether marriage is for us.

The book challenges the reader to ask, Do I really love God better because of my marriage and does my spouse love God better because I have become a part of his or her life? Am I more like Christ since I have married or less like him? In reality am I more concerned about what makes me happy or my spouse happy or what makes God happy with us? The Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:9 “So we make it our goal to please him.” That’s what this book is about—set the context of marriage. Does this sound like the kind of book you want to or ought to read? If so, do it.

- Charles Dunahoo, CEP Coordinator